I’m a fetish.

Adipophilia: A sexual attraction to overweight or obese people.

          Hi, I’m Melissa and I’m… fat. I’m not saying that to try and put myself down, I have fat on my body and have been fat for more than 10 years (turning 21 this year so you work out the maths). Now I would say I’m very sex positive, I like to remind people to be safe, to communicate with their partner (whether they’re a continuous partner, a one night stand, etc.), to be safe when meeting a new partner (Erika Moen made a comic about sex positive here, which I think is important to read!). I’m also kink friendly, but this time I’m not and maybe I’m a bad sex positive person to say I don’t like the idea of a fat fetish, I also don’t like the idea of straight men being sexually attracted to women who like women.

          Now I’m not saying people who have a fat fetish or a w|w fetish (that’s the acronym for women who like women so from now on I’m using that), are horrible people, they’re probably great people (okay a lot of guys who are into w|w are also homophobic af…). I just don’t like being that person, I don’t like being the one who has to be fat to be attracted to these people, that I have to be attracted to women to be attractive. I’ve always been told my whole life that I’ll only get a boyfriend (of course this is when I was younger when everyone assumed you were straight even as a fucking 2 month old) once I’m skinny, and that’s an awful thing to say to someone who doesn’t even know what sex is (of course I was like 6 when mum gave me the ‘birds and the bees’ story, she didn’t want to lie to me).

          But this is the reality so many people like me are faced with; so story time: I wasn’t even 17 when I met this guy (and honestly, I’ve forgotten his name so let’s call him Bob for the sake of it), and he liked video games, he was a very cool dude… except he had a fat fetish and as someone who’s 17, hasn’t had sex, is confused about their sexuality, in their last year of high school and hasn’t even kissed someone before, I loved it. Finally, a boy is paying attention to me. Now of course 17 y/o is different to 20 y/o and that’s in a time span of 3 years. He was nice, but after weeks I realised he was stringing me along, and I felt uncomfortable by his fetish, like it just made me feel… gross. Now I’m sure there are women/nb people out there who like people who are attracted to fat people, I’m just not one of them.

          We ended up just not talking to each other and we left it at that, but it’s annoying because he got me to watch Pitch Perfect, and we played Borderlands 2 together, so you know when things are tarnished? Well I was able to make better memories of Borderlands 2 with my boyfriend, and I haven’t seen Pitch Perfect in some years. I don’t know what happened to him, but hopefully he’s happy.

          I was 18 at the time, and I was drunk and I had recently come out about my sexuality only three months prior. I was at a bar with a few friends and some of my friends were kissing other people (who look feminine) and I joined in. I remember breaking away from a kiss with a friend and seeing these guys on the balcony looking, and gawking; much like the fat fetish thing I felt gross. Just at how they observed me kissing someone and I just, I needed a shower.

           I’m happy that the relationship I’m in now he doesn’t have some fat fetish or w|w fetish (honestly, I was so scared going into the relationship that he only liked me because I’m fat, and sure he’ll rub my belly and tell me it’s his favourite but I know he focuses on me, and not my weight), and I’ve read so many accounts of women who are in relationships with men who have a fat fetish and they don’t like it, I’ve ready many accounts of women who are in relationships with men who have a fat fetish and they like it. Even women who are sex workers and contribute to fat fetish, or feederism of the likes.

          Again, I’m not saying I’m against it, well I am just for me. If there are people who are into fat fetishes go right ahead, you are awesome and shouldn’t be ashamed of your fetish. I don’t want you to read this blog and think you’re horrible. I just don’t want to do it for me, I don’t want to put myself through that because I know I will feel like shit if I’m ever in a relationship like that.

          I’m a fetish, but I shouldn’t be.

goodbye

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