I have a friend who’s a black dog.

          Depression freaking sucks. I kind of wanted to make a post about depression and what has recently happened that has shocked not only my world, but everyone around me’s world because of recent events. First off, Robin Williams is an amazing man and he is the first celebrity who’s death has affected me profoundly. I grew up watching his films, from Aladdin to RV. His works are brilliant and he is a kind and gentle soul. I was waiting for my morning class with two friends in the course, when I saw on the television in the cafe about his death. I thought it was another twitter hoax. Death hoaxes aren’t unusual, I mean the most famous death hoax I can think of is Paul McCartney from the Beatles during the 60s. When I Googled it, and it was confirmed I was crying. I was in tears. Not bawling, but there was enough moisture to call tears.

          My favourite Williams movie has to be Dead Poets Society. This was the film I had to watch in my year 11 lit class. It was and still is a beautiful film. It made me fall more in love with writing, that I can inspire others like Mr. Keating did to his students. The film inspired me to become more of a writer, I fell in love with the art after first watching the film. It is a film that will always be popular due to quotes like “Carpe diem” and “O’ captain, my captain”. However Williams committed suicide on the late hours of Monday night. He lived through most of his life suffering with depression and an addiction to both drugs and alcohol. This makes me and many realise that depression doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t matter how privileged you are, who you are, or how you act in society. It will attack you, and suck the life out of you.

         When I was 13, my parents went through an ugly separation. My mother made me an adult when it was just herself, my sister and I. I wasn’t 13 any more, I was in fact a 45 year old who had to be a psychologist for my 38 year old mother. I was affected by depression because of the separation and a lot of other things in between. I visited a councilor who helped me, and it was of April 2010 where I felt happier then before. However, the depression didn’t really leave and I was yet affected again. This time, I was to see a psychologist, that one didn’t work out. I then got another psychologist who continued to blame my depression on me and also blamed my mother. Now if you know me, (which if you don’t hi my name’s Melissa!) I am highly protective of my mother as she has helped me throughout my life including but not limited to when I was affected by said depression.

          So I’ve had to deal with depression the majority of my teenage life. Which isn’t fun, when you feel bad about it. Where you feel like you shouldn’t have this wonderful family, and these amazing friends who make going to school worth while. But this black dog that follows you around doesn’t pick you due to certain aspects of your life. It just turns up on your door step and your stuck with it, maybe for a short amount of time, or maybe for your entire life (me, I haven’t figured it out – it comes and goes even though I don’t feel as depressed as I was when I was 13 – 16). The black dog never discriminates.

          I think it’s nice that we’re talking about depression, we’re open to talk about mental illnesses and that is really cool. I wish that sometimes I had the support and health now days instead of what it was like five years ago. It’s sad that something tragic like the death of an icon had to spark a discussion on depression and suicide but sometimes it’s the most effective way to get people to talk. I wonder if this is just a horrible April fools joke in August. It’s sad to think that he’s gone. This is to you Mr. Williams, you will be missed and I hope that maybe if there is a heaven that I can meet you and we can laugh and pock fun at each other till the cows come home.

          I want to leave it at that I think. If you do have depression, or suicidal thoughts please talk to someone because your life is more important and we don’t ever want that black dog to win. I’ll leave you with this quote from Dead Poets Society, it’s my favourite quote.

No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world.

goodbye

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